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Earthlings.com | A Film by Nation Earth

via Earthlings.com | A Film by Nation Earth.

This movie was made to change lives for the better.  Watch and see whats is really going on in our world.

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So Deep…

My feelings about life are so immense and overwhelming that to live day-to-day is easy.  When I think about the moments I have felt, it makes it so much easier to be normal, even though I know that I am extraordinary.  I am focused, for the most part, on fulfilling my dreams.  I have a couple of quirks that can be fixed in no time with the opportunity.  I am set on a path and I LOVE IT!!!  What a husband I will make someday.  I have programmed myself to be the best that I can be, and I am doing it.  I hope everyone can share the feelings I have now someday.  And as well I hope that everyone does what they can to make their lives better in the moment a.s.a.p.  Start now, and finish sooner.

I am not a player…

I am ready to settle down with a woman forever.

Well,

I have an idea of whats gonna happen.  But to really know whats going to happen would be awesome.  Then again, where is the fun in that.  The road traveled to a destination is just as amazing as the destination itself.

When I meet the girl of my dreams I expect it to go like this.

I will ask her if she has time to talk.  Then ask her if she is still in a relationship.  If the answer is yes, then I will have to tell her that I can’t talk to her anymore because it isn’t right given my intentions.  I want to be with her, and I will not be the cause of a relationship that is healthy being destroyed.  If she says no, then I will talk to her and tell her whatever I can to let her know how much she really means to me.

The way life has been for me, I will most likely meet her at the last possible point in time when it will make the biggest impact on me and make me realize just how perfect all this is.

I can’t say really…

All I know is this, I have morals.  And no matter what my mind thinks or my body feels, I don’t have the ability to go against my heart.  And why would I want to knowing all of the amazing things it has provided and done for me.

Dreaming of her should be enough to get me through anything in the meantime.  And knowing that I did the best I could to avoid conflict of any kind will prove to me again and again that I did the RIGHT thing for me and everyone else.

But, what if I knew?!?!?!  LOL

Should I or Shouldn’t I???

I don’t know what to do other than wait untill I make a choice on any matter, but I have to still think of consequences as a result of my actions.  All in all after I weigh the differences, it suits me best to do what I choose.  I know now that I have the best of intentions at everything I do, and I cherish making choices and the waiting game of life.  Waiting to see if what you have worked hard for is going to come true is fun!!!

I love having goals and dreams as well.  But should I or shouldn’t I do things is a question of morality really.  And when the intentions are well, the morality rating can change.  As long as choices are made and agreed upon by all parties I am going to do everything I can to accomplish my goals.  I hope you do too.

Circles.

I don’t know what my circle is.  I don’t have one that I know of.  I know so many people in so many different places and walks of life, I just don’t feel as if I am in a circle.  But, I guess I am just knowing the people who I know.

I am trying to grow more and realize that I need people more and more.  I really love them.  So different and all amazing in their own ways, they can be the best that life allows if you just give them your all.  And that I will.

The ones who you can’t be around because they don’t share your immediate views are not in your “circle”, but they are a human just the same.  And in that, I feel I am in a circle.  A circle of humans that grow together to the best of their abilities.

Welcome to my circle.

I don’t really know.

I know not what the future holds.  I can only imagine.  And much of it is the other half of my life.  It’s not all good.  I have no idea what is to become of me or my dreams.  I have tried so hard to become who I am now and want to be forever, but my dream is not one-sided.  And my other side has no idea I even exist.  I can’t help but feel depression in ways.  You can try your best at something and still not feel the best, I guess.  When you don’t get the feedback you need, what is to become of your vision?  How can you move on after all you have invested?  Can you even do so?

I urge all of you to follow all of your dreams.  If it is a need, it will happen.  The wants in life are mostly short-lived and taken for granted very soon after getting or feeling them.  It is so hard to know that your heart is what leads your actions, when it seems to your mind that it as well as your soul must be wrong somehow.  To have impossible dreams is to be one who can lead.  Yet, to have everyone go against your feelings is too much to bear alone.  And I am alone.  Having comfort only in one’s mind and half-hearted comfort from others who are too preoccupied with their own endeavours is difficult.  Then again, maybe that’s life testing you and I to see what lengths you are really ready to go to in order to fulfill your dreams.

I seem to always push it to the limit in life.  I have been through so much and seen so many things.  I am getting tired now.  Tired of being alone in this world with no one to love me truly.  My heart has an impossible mission for me, and I can’t go against it.  It makes you wonder what relief and triumph over weak and hateful individuals feels like when your main dream is reached.  Can it really be this good?

I believe that having someone who can see how much you care really is what we all need.  Will I ever meet her?  And if so, will she see how much I care for only her?  All I can do is wait, and try to prove to her every waking moment that she is the one for me.  Giving my heart even when I feel I can’t because it will be shattered.  Trusting her.  Putting my life in her hands.  Does she know what she could do to me?  Will her past make her think I am stronger than I am?  I am not those men.  I am her man.  Will she honor me in this world full of deceitful liars and cheaters and never be one of them?  I can only live and show her that I am not and will never be one of those.

I am scared of getting cheated on by the woman I care for, okay.  I said it.  On with another fucken day at the drive through.  I hate this right now.

Life.

I can’t take it.

I wanna know whats gonna go down.  Alas I have to wait.  I feel like I wanna do everything and don’t know how to go any faster.  I am very gifted and talented.  I can change the world.

Today, 12-14-10

So, today was cool…

It was my little sisters 21st birthday, so happy birthday Taija.  You are loved and one of the few people who will always be positive when its good and pissed off when its bad plain and simple with no bullshit.

I went off to A.A. meetings to promote my Life Coach business and discovered its not that easy to do so.  I found one guy that might call me, but I didnt really have anyway to promote.  I just sent for my business cards today.  500 of them.  That should work out great when I have them.  I am going to go to the courthouse after I am certified and see if the Judge will refer clients to me.  Thats a neverending business if any.  People are fucking up a lot here.  And I can help them to not fuck up.

I just realized that a water pipe burst two floors above us and the guys cieling on the 8th collapsed in on him and shit.  No water in our house, but it was crazy taking a shower and having only hot fucken water to rinse my butthole with!!!  LOL

I had a good day.  I bought a new book called “Dianetics”.  It is amazing so far.  I cannot wait to read furthur..

Well, that was my day today.

Honestly, being told no when you have purpose is a red flag for you to move on with better things.

I hate that shit…

From now on when people tell me no or don’t listen to what I am saying I am just going to stop talking and continue on focused on my life and my goals.  For far too long have I let people drag me into conversations, or listened to them talk bull shit, and now I don’t want to anymore simply because I don’t have to.

Needless to say, I quit Greenpeace after one day because nobody wants to listen to you ask them for anything on the street.  Especially money.

And as well, I received another write-up at work for not making a meal out of two burritos.  Ridiculous, yes because I have the highest check average at my store and I was on my way to managing again.  Now, I am going to just ask for a green shirt status and focus on my business.

Fuck all the people who are doubting me in any way.  I am over letting them take the part of me that I need to handle my goals in the time that I have to handle them in.  I don’t have time to deal with anything except my dreams.  Those who are part of it are going to always be in my close quarters.  I am now officially fighting for my dreams to come true and nothing is going to stop me.  I have worked too hard to have anything fail on me now, and I will not stand for it.

I wanna cry…

I can’t stop dreaming about this one woman.  I have tried everything I can think of, and nothing works and you know why???

Because I love dreaming about her.  I love it when she is on my mind and it is driving me crazy, making me cry at work, or kissing the air because I am so caught up in a daydream that I don’t even notice it untill its too late and I catch myself with the biggest grin god would allow on my face.  I love it when I have dreams in which there is another female and my soul hurts because I can’t stand the thought that I am hurting her in any way, yet I have never met her.  I love it when I dread the future and all the worst case scenarios that could happen, because I know that she is a better woman than all of them combined.  I love it when I cry painful tears thinking I will never meet her and am in anguish.  I can’t think of anything else I want to write.  I just wanna cry.