I know not what the future holds.  I can only imagine.  And much of it is the other half of my life.  It’s not all good.  I have no idea what is to become of me or my dreams.  I have tried so hard to become who I am now and want to be forever, but my dream is not one-sided.  And my other side has no idea I even exist.  I can’t help but feel depression in ways.  You can try your best at something and still not feel the best, I guess.  When you don’t get the feedback you need, what is to become of your vision?  How can you move on after all you have invested?  Can you even do so?

I urge all of you to follow all of your dreams.  If it is a need, it will happen.  The wants in life are mostly short-lived and taken for granted very soon after getting or feeling them.  It is so hard to know that your heart is what leads your actions, when it seems to your mind that it as well as your soul must be wrong somehow.  To have impossible dreams is to be one who can lead.  Yet, to have everyone go against your feelings is too much to bear alone.  And I am alone.  Having comfort only in one’s mind and half-hearted comfort from others who are too preoccupied with their own endeavours is difficult.  Then again, maybe that’s life testing you and I to see what lengths you are really ready to go to in order to fulfill your dreams.

I seem to always push it to the limit in life.  I have been through so much and seen so many things.  I am getting tired now.  Tired of being alone in this world with no one to love me truly.  My heart has an impossible mission for me, and I can’t go against it.  It makes you wonder what relief and triumph over weak and hateful individuals feels like when your main dream is reached.  Can it really be this good?

I believe that having someone who can see how much you care really is what we all need.  Will I ever meet her?  And if so, will she see how much I care for only her?  All I can do is wait, and try to prove to her every waking moment that she is the one for me.  Giving my heart even when I feel I can’t because it will be shattered.  Trusting her.  Putting my life in her hands.  Does she know what she could do to me?  Will her past make her think I am stronger than I am?  I am not those men.  I am her man.  Will she honor me in this world full of deceitful liars and cheaters and never be one of them?  I can only live and show her that I am not and will never be one of those.

I am scared of getting cheated on by the woman I care for, okay.  I said it.  On with another fucken day at the drive through.  I hate this right now.

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